Fitness Friday 10/7

Week 7 – Day One

This week we’re going to be talking a different type of fitness, but before that..a quick recap.

Alright.  We’re going to be honest and straight forward with this.  I’ve hit one of those moments which usually occurs during a weight loss journey.  I just don’t care.  Like…I didn’t care for a week and when you weigh in, that shows.  So, now I have to make up for that this week.  This is going to be interesting since I’m going on vacation.  However, I have complete control for this vacation.  We’re all taking our own food.  So, I’m stocked with fresh fruits and sandwich fixings and things that I can portion out.  We’re eating out maybe three times and we’ll do lots of walking.  So, all in all, I think I can recover some ground.  OH!  I’ll also have root canal on Thursday (yay?) so that means I won’t be able to eat at all the day before next week’s weigh in.

Now, about this I don’t care thing. Let’s take a look at that.  I was in the one-year-old room last week, and it didn’t really have an effect on me but last Thursday did.  Let me just say that places where I have to actually interact with people leads to a very emotional and stressed out Deanna who ended up crying the whole way home.  Now, there was lots that went into that.  Self-doubt…plenty of self-pity.  There were questions that still have no answers.  Or maybe I did receive my answer and I’m trying to make my piece with it.  Like, I really feel like the answer to my “am I ever going to get remarried” question is a simple and resounding “No.”  But I can’t tell if that’s a “not right now,” “not in this lifetime,” or “not ever,” kind of response.  But I also can’t tell if that’s an answer from Heavenly Father because that sort of “no” answer is then flooded with reasons why, and let’s just say that none of them are pretty.  They’re horrible dark thoughts that if I wasn’t a stronger person, and didn’t have the wonderful support group of friends that I do, I would have a very different life right now…if I even had one at all.

Thursday was definitely a cry the whole way home, hop in shower and cry more, go to bed and cry more kind of night and it just effected my whole week.  And don’t get me started on General Conference.  While I love to hear the Church leaders address us, it’s also a very hard time for me.  My first Conference (7 years ago) was such a wonderful experience and I cried happy tears the whole way through.  Some of those Conference talks are just painful to listen to and I don’t feel the joy like I used to.  I feel very lost and like I’m going through the motions of life.  At the very least I try to magnify my calling, and attend Church meetings and Institute regularly.  I try to be attentive and to listen and to surround myself with good people, but there’s a change when I’m away from it all.

I feel alone.  Like the doors of Heaven are just closed and my prayers and pleadings just bounce off the gates, unnoticed, unseen and unheard.  Granted, this isn’t the first time this is happened nor will it be the last.

I approached the Roomie with some of this a couple of days ago, wondering why I feel this way.  She could’ve totally came at me with the usual responses that are centered around prayer and scripture study.  But she forced me to realize that I’m still healing.  For too long, I allowed myself to be emotionally shattered until I’m now so twisted inside that the only way to undo the knot is to break it.  I can’t give my opinion because I’m so used to being looked like I’m a crazy person who should never open her mouth.  (Though I will admit, I do have my crazy moments but those don’t count here.)  I don’t ask for help, because I was forced to learn how to help myself because the one person who was to walk beside me chose not to.

People want me to open up.  To find love again.  To trust.  To believe.  But they have no idea how hard it is, or how emotionally draining it is.  There’s no way I could ever allow myself to go through all of that all over again.  It’s ridiculous to expect me to break down all of the walls I’ve carefully built over the past 5 years.  You heard me…5.  That time includes the 3 1/2 year catastrophe of a marriage.  To trust another person with my heart?  No way!  That’s insane!  Roomie and I have decided that both of us never get married, I’m gonna buy a house and we’re going to be Spinster Sisters.  We’ll have our flower garden, cats, I’ll finally get that dog, and just be a couple of Geeks in our Crossroads of Fandoms house.

*takes a breath*

Alright, so that is pretty much been the mentality of last Thursday through I think Wednesday.  So about week . Yesterday was also my 28th birthday so I’m feeling the effects of that.  So how is this going to change this week.  Honestly?  It probably isn’t.  Nor the week after that.  Or the week after that.  This isn’t something that’s going away anytime soon, and truly it may not ever.  I’ll heal, eventually.  But those scars will always be there.  Maybe the memory will fade in time.  Maybe I’ll be the type of person Heavenly Father wants me to be.  But until then, I’ll live vicariously through the voices in my head and hide in my corner with a good book.

Love,

Deanna

P.S.  For a look at Kristen’s progress click here.

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Fitness Friday 9/30

Week 6 – Day Two

Yes, yes.  This is a day late, and I apologize.  This week was a nightmare and my only thought when I came home was Chinese, Ice Cream, and Inquisition.  However, despite the really bad eating that occurred this week I still dropped 0.4 pounds.  Probably gonna gain a bit these two days since I’m at home because of General Conference.  But I’ll be back on track come Monday.

I’ve also fallen off the planks the past two days so that’s gonna come back to bite me when I start them back up tonight.  I’m almost to the four minute mark but can’t hold it that long.

Really, there is a point to this, and I’ll get to it right now.

Despite the inability I felt to keep this up much longer, a friend said something to me on Thursday that just made things click a little better.  This is not something that’s going to happen over night, and is not something that is going to end when I reach my goal weight.  This is something I’ll be dealing with for the rest of my life.  I developed poor habits when I was younger and while it is true that it takes 30 days to create new ones, eating out at a buffet is like sending a recovering alcoholic to a bar.  Food is just…something I eat without thought and without having any real idea of what I’m doing.  So, my point is that while this was a bad week (which ended with a REALLY bad day on Thursday), there are highs and there are lows and that is the part of our journey whatever path we’re on.

So, let’s decide to start over.  Each meal is a chance to stay on track and I can make the right choices accordingly.

– Deanna

Fitness Friday 9/23/2016

Week 5 – Day 1

So, I gotta say, that this is a pretty awesome day!  I was so excited at weigh-in and thrilled with the results I’ve been seeing this past week.  That’s right!  Weigh-in was a success and I’m officially in a new set of numbers!  We’ve crossed into the 160s which means that I have less than 20 pounds to go!!  I don’t think I can express how very excited I am and all the more recommitted to keep going!

What have I been noticing this week?  Well, the pants are all fitting a bit looser, and I had to go to a new notch on a belt and on a watch!  Also, the 30-day plank challenge is torture but the results are worth it!  I see some definition but that’s not one of my goals so don’t expect me to go on about that.  They say it’s the first 10 pounds where you notice changes, but it’s at the 20 pound mark where other people notice change.  Honestly, it’s happened already.  Some people are noticing and it only makes me happy.

Now, to clarify. I’m not doing this for anyone but myself.  I want to find a healthier me since there are certain health risks that run in my family.  Like diabetes for example.  I think my body must be dealing with some sort of shock from the lack of sugar that’s in my system.  Anyway, I’m not doing this to please anyone or to make myself more appealing to anyone.  This.  Is.  For.  Me.  And me only!

Goals for the week:

1.) Drink more water!!  I can’t stress this enough!  I still don’t feel like I’m getting all of the required amounts of water, but I can tell the days where I do and do not drink all my water.

2.) Take back Saturday!  This past Saturday was really good and I started out strong, but by two o’clock, I was done.  I wanted nothing more than to play Inquisition and have some time with Cullen.  Or Blackwall.  Whichever OC was awake at the moment.

3.) Make daily scripture study purposeful.  What am I looking for when I do my study?  Is it just another thing on the checklist or am I reading to discover and to learn?

4.) Stay active!   I’ll be in Toddlers this week so goodness knows I’ll be on my toes the entire time I’m with them, but always stay moving.  Sit only at nap time, and only when I’m not checking to make sure kids are breathing!

So, that’s it!!  Don’t forget to check out Kristen’s blog to see how she did this week!

– Deanna

Fitness Fridays

Week Four – Day One

Alright, we’re starting the last week of the month and I’m really excited to report on my progress.  I stepped on the scale this morning to discover that I’ve lost 6.8 pounds!  Now, I know you’re thinking, really?  You’ve been doing this for four weeks and you’ve only lost a total of 6.8 pounds?

Yes, I could have lost more and I’m slowly taking charge of my weekends which I realize are my problem days.  Monday through Friday, when I work and it’s a bit easier to follow a strict eating routine, are comparably different than Saturday and Sunday where I’m at home and have access to all my food (bored eating).  So, what’s the plan for Saturday and Sunday this week?  Well, I’m going to break up my Saturday into sections.  My internal alarm clock puts me at waking up between 7 and 8 so I’m going to divide my time out into two hour segments.  With the exception of meal times. (breakfast 30 min, lunch and dinner will each get one hour or the length of an tv episode).

Right after breakfast I’m going to start doing projects that I don’t normally get to do during the week.  Reorganize the kitchen for one.  I want to devote two hours to my scriptures, whether that be personal reading, or working on my lesson for church.  I need to do errands and maybe go see friends or something.  The point is, my goal is not sit and play Inquisition which considering I’m almost to the halfway spot where things start moving forward again is going to be pretty hard.  It’s to keep active that is the goal.

Sunday is just as hard since I don’t have to leave the house til 12 but if I get ready at 11, that still gives me 3-4 hours.  Also, I need to have a post church snack and meal ready to go because by the time I’ve left Church (4 o’clock) I’ve not eaten since early that morning.  So, that needs to be planned into my Friday grocery budget.  Something different that keeps me from either going out (which is not good for my budget) or overeating when I get home.

So, those are my goals for the week!  To focus on Saturday and Sunday.  What am I going to keep doing that I did last week?  Well, it’s continuing my 30-day plank challenge (which I should be ready to hold for a minute here in a day or two) and to keep going Clogging on Monday nights.

Don’t forget to check out Kiristen‘s progress!!

– Deanna

Fitness Fridays – 9/9/2016

Week Three – Day One

Alright!  So, for the positive!  I’m down a solid pound this week which is pretty neat considering I had a three day weekend with my parents which involved nothing more than reading two books and enjoying the quiet nature of their farm.  But, honestly, we shouldn’t judge or successes by the number on the scale because we’re worth more than that.  I pulled out a blouse I hadn’t worn for quite a while and was amazed at how it looked on me! Now, that could be due in part to confidence but you know!

I had my Friday night dinner which involved a salad from a sandwich shop and my usual ice cream treat.  But, tomorrow will be a day to watch because it’ll be a minimally active day but the rest of my week should be good.  No sudden surprises in food expenses.

I’m on my 30 day plank challenge and I’m on day 4 which is to hold a plank for 40 seconds.  Doesn’t sound like much but it is!!  I’m also starting up a new “workout” I guess you could call it to help keep me active but no spoilers yet!  I’ve also bought all the materials to make my very own voi (more on that soon) which will also help keep me active when I finally get around to using it.

New recipe for the week:  White rice, with chicken and pico de gallo.

What to keep doing for the week?  One zero point food per meal.  That’s becoming a banana with breakfast, grapes with lunch, and some sort of vegetable with dinner.  I also have an apple during the day to tide me over til lunch.  I’m slowly starting to see my water intake.  I’m not as hungry if I have lots of water per meal and I can tell a difference in my sluggishness without the water.

Negatives of the week – vertigo.

I mean, I think I can call it that even though I haven’t been officially diagnosed with it.  It’s like, I turn my head and then eventually everything catches up to it.  Really dizzy and I look like a drunk person while walking ( though I’ve never been drunk before so the comparison might not be accurate).  I don’t know how this could be a negative but I worry that it’s partly blood sugar related, so I’ll be finding a doctor soon to hopefully help with that.

Anyway, that’s all for tonight!  We’ll see you all again in a week!!

– Deanna

Fitness Fridays 9/2/2016

Week 2 Day 1

Alright, so I’m pretty sure that his week has been a complete bust and I have only myself to blame for that.  I allowed myself more than one “cheat” day and got into the complacency that usually happens when I see changes on the scale.  So, the resolutions for this week are going to be a lot more strict, especially since I will not be at my house for the duration of the upcoming three day weekend.  I’ll be with my parents from Friday evening to Monday afternoon…a much needed break.

Of course, this is also the perfect opportunity for me to stay on track because I tend to not eat as much when I’m at other people’s house.  Yes, yes, weird I know.

So, what do I intend to do for the three day weekend?  Well, I will be away from technology so I don’t have to worry about my two hour limit.  I intend to work on crafts, walk around my parents’ expanse of property (it’s mostly wooded and I like nature *happy dance*), read, plan my Sunday School lesson, and try to stay on track without having to worry about every little thing that goes into my mouth.

Also, Tuesday will start a 28-day ab challenge.  I need to increase my physical activity and this is the perfect way to start that.  Plus, I L-O-V-E planks!  Eventually I want to upgrade my phone to one that has more storage space so I can start working on walking/running more outside when the possibility to drink the air (#humidity) is not so readily available.

We’re also preparing for General Conference (we’re about a month out), so I’ll take the opportunity to start coming up with questions, or things to ponder during the two day event.  Other upcoming things?  I’ll be taking a vacation after my birthday on the 6th of October.  I’ll be gone that following Saturday through Wednesday afternoon.  Thursday I’m having root canal ( no chance to eat that day YAY! ) and am taking Friday in case something happens because with me…you never know.  Plus, I’m afraid of the tooth doctor, but have realized that to be more my own fault than anything else.

My goal is to be down 10 pounds by the time Roomie and I leave for Con the first weekend in December.  That first weekend is also another wonderful time to lose weight because I’m on the go soooooo much there’s no time to eat!!  I think I dropped 5 pounds last year.  I know, not the right way to lose weight but it was nice seeing those numbers on the scale…even if it was just for a few days.

Today, lunch is being catered at work so I’m going to eat as much fresh fruit and veggies as I can get my hands on and start working on getting my 8 8oz glasses of water a day.  The cup I usually carry around carries 16oz so I want to work on drinking at least 16oz per meal and then another 16 before bed.  We’ll see what happens.

Goals for the Week

  1. start drinking more water.  16oz per meal
  2. Chores and responsibilities before media time
  3. Be more mindful, especially during my upcoming vacation
  4. Keep busy, no mindless eating.

 

Successes from Last Week

  1. Eating more fruits and veggies – I think I did have some sort of 0 point food per meal and I’m starting to eat peppers instead of chips when I make sandwiches.
  2. Took advantage of my tens to eat a small snack that would help carry me to my next meal
  3. Did NOT eat the cake that was in the break room.  *i deserve a medal for that one*
  4. Read scriptures daily
  5. Walked to go get ice cream instead of driving

 

See you all next week!!

– Deanna

P.S.  Don’t forget to check out how Kristen has been doing this week!!

Fitness Fridays 8/26/2016

Week One Day One

Alright!  Here we are officially at the start of a new journey!  Just like doing Dave Ramsey’s budget system, all beginning steps have to be small in order to have a secure foundation before making real headway.  So, in order to start this here is my “before” shot.

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“Before” Shot – Taken 8/26/2016

This is one of my favorite dresses that I bought almost two years ago at Hot Topic.  It sports my favorite flower: white roses.  Whenever I wear this dress I feel so pretty.  Plus…that skirt!  It’s the perfect twirling dress!!  And it’s modest enough to wear to church!  YAY!  It’s also quite uncomfortable to wear at the moment.  I mean, when I’m sitting it is. Every five pounds lost will result in taking a picture in this dress.  And if I ever get too skinny for this dress then I’ll just die!  Although on a side note – the ideal dress I would love to fit back into again would be my senior prom dress.  THAT is a gown there!

Okay, so today is Friday which means it’s also grocery shopping day!  Maybe I should post my groceries…hmm.  Anyway, I went just under my budget for groceries but did very little shopping in the aisles.  It’s mostly produce, dairy, and meat with some stops in the Living Naturally aisle at my local Kroger.  The only thing I bought aisle wise was some canned green beans (french cut), canned pineapples (in their own juice) and pasta sauce and whole wheat pasta.  All in all, it was a very good haul today.

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So things I’ll be working on during the week

  • Meal planning – got lots of stuff for sandwiches and salads, as well as porkchops and chicken with appropriate sides.  Lots of veggies!
  • My “treat” for the week?  Just had it!  It’s a mini M&M Blizzard from DQ.  I feel guilty using the points for it, but it’s worth it after a hard week at work.  Especially today!!
  • I think staying under my daily budget is going to be a huge no-no.  I’m allotted 29 points a day until that changes and if I stay under it, I’ll pass out from starvation!
  • Weigh-in – did that this morning!  Fridays are weigh-in days!  You’ll all that information at the end.
  • We’re going to be starting the walk/run regime.  Mondays will be clogging (but not this week b/c work so I’ll do a walk/run.)  Wednesdays I’ll go for a walk with the parents.  Friday we walk to DQ.  Yes, counter-productive.  But it’s the perfect treat for the walk home since you can drink the air!  #humidityproblems
  • Two hours of media time – got one more episode of Alias to finish and then I’m calling it a night!  Though out of all the plans/goals for the week…this will be the hardest.
  • Temple trip – that is something that we’ll tackle come September!

And I think that’s it!  This week I’m going to work on writing all of my meals down, making sure that I have some sort of fruit/vegetable at every meal, and monitor my technology time.  So, the gates have open and the race has begun!  Let’s see what this week brings!!  Until next week!

Oh!

8/26/2016 Weigh In – 172.2 lbs.  Pounds lost – 0

– Deanna

P.S.  To see Kristen’s updates click the link.

P.S.S.  I’ve found that trying new ways to eat foods is very fun.  No, I don’t drink alcohol.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the pretty glasses!!  This is vanilla yogurt, with simple truth granola, drizzled with honey.  Nice way to start the morning.

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Fitness Fridays

Almost two years ago, I was within 5 pounds of my goal weight.  I’d done Weight Watchers from a little two years and had lost almost 20 pounds.  The journey, in the beginning, had been awesome.  The weight was coming right off and I was following a strict regime while enjoying many of the foods I enjoyed.  Taco salad, being one of them.  But when I was so close, everything fell apart.  It was during a transitional stage in my marriage where it just seemed pointless to continue.  A post for another time.  But towards the end of my marriage and slowly after my divorce I’ve gained it all back, plus a little extra.

It’s all accumulated to this point.  A new turn on my journey.  A new spot where I take my life into my hands and say that here’s something else that I do have control over.  I’m not the most athletic person, quite the opposite actually.  I’d rather stay inside and play video games, or binge watch Netflix, or do character development and write, then spent time in the outside world.  I swear I’m part vampire.  I know, I know.  It seems like I’m going at this alone but the fantabulous Kristen will be doing this with me and we’re going to keep each other accountable.  For me, things are going to get really hard in the upcoming weeks and it’s going to be an adventure.

Each week will contain some of the following:

  • How were my goals from the previous week reached?  Were they reached at all?
  • Did I go over my allowed points for the week?  (yes, I will be using the WW system)  If so, why?
  • What do I need to keep doing for the following week?
  • What do I need to get rid of for the following week?
  • What new goals do I need to set for the new week?
  • How much have I lost in a week?
  • How much have I lost total?
  • What was the hardest thing I had to do that week?
  • What was the easiest thing I had to do that week?

There will be many other questions added to this, but it’s to give you an idea of what’s coming.

I will be setting mini goals for myself.  Every five pounds I lose I get to choose from a list of non-food rewards.  That list includes but is not limited to…

  • a mani/pedi
  • two hours of interrupted reading time
  • two hours of interrupted writing time
  • piano time
  • unwind with a movie of my choice
  • a new song for my workout playlist
  • go to the big mall and browse through really expensive clothes
  • schedule an “after” shoot ( to be done w/ the fabulous Kristen and once I’ve reached my goal)
  • put together a positive thoughts binder (compiled with things I’ve gotten from work)
  • make a cookbook of recipes I’ve tried that have are tasty and are point appropriate
  • buy a potted plant for my room
  • buy that Paul Cardall music book I’ve been wanting for years
  • a trip to the library
  • visit the Arboretum
  • play DAInquisition all day long!  (most likely be a Saturday event)

There are many more things I could add to this list but it gives you an idea of things I’m looking at.

So, to get this week started here’s a look at some of my goals for the following week:

  1. Get rid of all food items that have sugar and its variants in the house.  (Note: I keep honey in the house b/c it’s natural and it’s the perfect things for breakfast when I eat it with yogurt and granola)
  2. Continue meal planning.  I’ve been living on a the Dave Ramsey budget system and I’ve noticed that meal planning helps me stay within my food budget.  Plus, it’s one thing I can really control – the food I bring into the house.  I’ve not bought chocolate at the grocery for well over a month.
  3. Plan one “free” meal or treat.  It’ll all go towards my week allowance of 49 points that’s for whatever or if I happen to go over my point value for the day.  This is usually a Friday when I come home from work.
  4. Stay a few points under my daily point value.  I start at 29 points a day.
  5. Weigh-in ONCE a week.  Friday mornings b/4 work, I’ll weigh in and that’s it.  It’s not good to hover over the scale b/c if you don’t notice any change from day to day it leads to discouragment.
  6. Celebrate the little victories.  Losing 0.2 pounds a week is better than gaining 0.2 pounds.
  7. Go for a walk/run three times a week.  Better to start small and succeed than go big and fail.  The walk goes from my house towards the main street, turn left, go all the way til the road ends and then back.  It’s a trek.  I’ve not measured it, but I will this upcoming week.
  8. Two hours of media time.  That includes the hour I use to eat dinner, and one hour for my video game.
  9. Make a trip to the temple once a month.  It’s good to be spiritually fit as well as physically fit.

Nine goals.  These will change as I get stronger and more adaptable and as things become sheer habit.

So, what do you all think?  I’m super excited about this and I’m determined to be committed rather than involved in this new step. And I look forward to seeing where this one little step leads me.

– Deanna