Dee’s Dailies 8/18/16

Let’s see.  Something that happened today.

Hmm…

Something positive.

Oh!  Yeah.  It’s August 18th!  This is the last “one year” mark and I’m trying to be really excited about it, but with everything happening for a huge event at work tomorrow, I’m just too tired.  Honestly, it wasn’t until about an hour ago that I realized what today was.

That’s right, ladies and gents!  It’s officially been one year since my divorce.  Now, I could say that this year has been full of empowerment and taking life by the horns, but that would be a lie.  This year really has been full of struggles as I try to “find myself,” for lack of a better term.  I’ve struggled mostly with my faith ( but i’m doubting the doubts first ) and I’ve tried to make my life a bit more spiritually filled.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve done some amazing things and been apart of some wonderful moments, but it’s my relationship with Heavenly Father that needs the most work.  I did everything that I was supposed to do that I forgot to do what I was supposed to do.  I’ve been living a “check mark” life and I can’t help but wonder if because of how everything was in the beginning if I was made to believe that that was all that was important. Baptized, confirmation, get to the temple, marry fast!  I checked off all of those and with hindsight being 20/20, I did things I shouldn’t.

And now I’m paying for it.

But that’s okay!  I’m here to learn and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for some weird reason love me unconditionally. I can’t really understand it and I can’t grasp at why but I need to work on that.  I need to work on a lot of things, but I’m done playing victim.  I’m done letting life pass me by and I’m ready to do what I’m supposed to be doing and let everything else fall into place.

– Deanna

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