The Last Petal Falls

“…I feel just awful. I feel sad. I feel just a little depressed. I do wish for my early Saturday morning rehearsals to come back.”

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So, today is a very emotional day for me as I perform as “Belle” in Beauty and the Beast for the last time.  When I was in high school, my drama director always said that when a show was over we’d feel sad, depressed, and wish for the time that we had putting the show together to come back.  I did four shows in high school and I can honestly say that I never felt any of that.  Maybe it’s because I was in high school and there was always something happening when a show was over.  I mean, it was school and we were always busy with something or other.  Now, however, I’ve grown up and life isn’t as chaotic as it was back then.  Everything is a slow steady rhythm of plans I’ve made and I do have things lined up for my Saturdays now but as I sit here and type this…I feel just awful.  I feel sad.  I feel just a little depressed.  I do wish for my early Saturday morning rehearsals to come back.

It’s hard to put into words what this time has meant to me.  Theatre has been a part of my life since I was in 4th grade and I always seemed to miss on the opportunities to be a part of something greater than myself.  A wild crazy side of me that’s filled with nothing but my characters and the voices in my head is very rarely brought out.  It’s usually done during moments of creativity like Yama-Con, Ren Faire, moments at LCFC, and now theatre.  I feel like I can truly be myself and know that it’s okay.  We shouldn’t hide the part of ourselves that make us unique.  We should be the people we were meant to be and surround ourselves with positive people who share our likes.

I feel like being a part of this show, I’ve done that.  The people I’ve met are so full of life and all their dreams ahead of them.  They’re happy with who they are and are who they’re meant to be.  It’s an admirable quality and light that was dimmed in me during high school and continued to be so until it was finally snuffed out during my marriage.  How much I have learned from a cast full of people from all walks of life and of different ages who shine so brightly in a world that tries to shove them into dark corners.  I pray that none of them lose sight of the wonderful people that they are and remember that it’s okay to love things with all of their souls.

So, my performance today has a special dedication.  It’s for every person who feels as if their dreams were taken from them.  Anyone who has been put down by others just because they’re different or they don’t meet the society’s mold.  For anyone who feels as if the things they once wanted are no longer achievable.  For those who are lost in the darkness of the world’s making.  It is possible to find your dreams again…to put the pieces of your broken future into something that is truly wonderful.  A dream of mine has always been to play Belle but the journey these past few months has been more than that.  Right now, my dream is to be happy and to live a life worthy of what my Heavenly Father has planned for me.  To surround myself with positive people.  To live my life without caring if I seem strange to other people.  It is possible!  I promise you!  A year and a half ago, I thought it was the end of everything.  But it wasn’t.  I’ve been made stronger and have found a life that has made me so happy that I can’t be anything but grateful and I want to share it with the world!!

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Me as “Belle” in the Spotlight Acting School’s Beauty and the Beast.  

 

 

 

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